8 March 2017


It's only right we start at the beginning, 2017 hasn't exactly panned how I expected it to and that hasn't necessarily been a bad thing ( well I see that now). For someone like me, that likes routine and familiarity change can be difficult. Change is hard for anyone, it's hard when things don't go the way you planned. It feels like you like you have lost control.

I had BIG plans for 2017, it was gonna be my year (and it still can be, yeah) ? The year hadn't started in the best possible way, well that is one way to put it. The unexpected had happened to me and honestly it bursted my comfortable bubble.

Isn't it crazy how one moment can change your life? My circumstances had changed in a spilt second, and everything was different just like that. I panicked, the adrenaline had kicked in almost straightaway and I had chosen to fight instead of flight. I did everything I could think of to rectify the situation and get myself back to where I needed to be. I remained uncharacteristically positive, well at least I pretended to be. I don't know who I was putting a front for me? every around me? It was the weirdest thing ever, I was confused about what had happened but I was dealing with it as if I wasn't fazed by the whole situation.

If I am being honest, I couldn't comprehend why this had happened to me. Like what had I done to deserve it? I needed to know what I had done wrong? But there were no answers for me, and naturally, I had started to question myself and spiralled into a dark hole of confusion and doubt.

I was in this strange limbo, I didn't know what would happen next and the days felt like they were dragging on and on (I am not lying two weeks, I had left like a lifetime). I still don't understand but sometimes it's best to stop trying to understand everything and needing to have an explanation for everything because life can be nasty and people make decisions that are good for them and not so good for you (and that is ok, well sort of. You just have to do you). It's just hard when you fully commit and give everything you have and you are left with the shitty end of the bargain.

What have I learnt? Don't put all your eggs in one basket and it's not selfish to look after yourself and put yourself first because if you don't, who will? Change is hard but there is no better time to get your shit together and take risks you wouldn't have otherwise and create the light at the end of the tunnel for yourself (you got this)! Before you go about chasing that light, make sure you take the time to realise that this just wasn't for you. Also, there is no harm is pretending to be alright and have everything in order, especially when people are constantly flaunting their successes all over social media and there is no harm in taking a day, a week however long you need to to actually feel and let it out. You can fake it til you make, believe in yourself and everything does happen for a reason and I full heartedly believe that with hardship comes ease (there is some goodness in the world).

Happy international women's day! Over the last couple of months, I have met and spoken to so many amazing women doing amazing things all over the world. They have all inspired me and motivated me to be myself and be great. Women's day is a great day to celebrate all the awesome women and recognise what more could be done for equality across the board, in all situations. Amazing things do happen when women support women.

Zeynab xx

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