THE GREAT DEPRESSION THAT IS JOB HUNTING

Hi guys,

A little warning this is a depressing one and I was having a very very bad day at my shitty shitty job when I wrote this. I graduated around 3 years ago and I still don't have a ''proper job'' that I would consider to be part of career plan at all. After graduating, I did a little bit of travelling for about 5-6 months and just generally being lazy and taking advantage of my free time. When my funds began to run low, I thought it was about time I got on the job hunting bandwagon. Oh boy was I in for a big surprise, I filled in numerous online application forms, sent out about a thousand (slight exaggeration)  CVs and cover letters and nothing but rejection. I am not the type of person that deals well with rejection so it wasn't surprising that I wasn't handling it well at all. In my head rejection equalled to being not good enough, which just made feel inadequate.

One of my friends was doing an internship on an psychological research project, and through her I was offered a position there, when they were looking for more interns. I didn't have to give much thought to accepting the offer, I would be working with one of my best friends and I would be part of an amazing research project. I had an amazing time at my internship, the team were great, the other interns were so amazing and we always had a laugh and I had the opportunity to mingle with very influential people in a career I was very interested in. After the research project had officially ended, I was offered an internship for an extension project of the research project that I interned on and of course I said yes. This new internship gave me a bigger role and I had more responsibility in the project and it was very flexible so I also had time to search for jobs. I was pretty pleased when I finished both my internship thinking that I was in a better position to take on job hunting because I had the 'experience' they always seem to ask for.

With more slightly more positive approach to job hunting this time around, I didn't really get very far. But I didn't let that bring them my focus, i woke up early very morning and applied to as many jobs as I could. I still wasn't getting anything but rejection letters and I was beginning to feel feed up with the whole situation and I wasn't bothered with filling out application forms if I was only getting rejection letters. At that point I thought maybe I should branch out and start to look at other jobs that I could apply to and I did that but still nothing. All my friends were starting to get jobs or had great jobs, I feel silly for letting that affect me but the jealousy just made me even more depressed about my situation.  All these crazy thoughts were going through my mind, like maybe  I just wasn't good enough, or I was cursed (yes seriously I did think that), maybe I was just unlucky and I even thought maybe I must have done something really terrible and this was karma, you what they say bad back is a B**** ( I told you it was crazy). It didn't help that I had to rely on my parents to aid me finically, so I started to apply to everything and anything so that I would be employed and I could support myself. 

I did finally get an interview and I got the job but was it something I wanted to do? No nevertheless I took it because it was a job, a source of income not a great one but it was something and I could afford to pay my bills. 

9 months on and I am still here stuck in this crappy job, I absolutely hate the people I work with they are horrible, I feel so shitty about myself and I feel as a 24 year old I should have more stability in my life and I don't which scares me a hell of a lot. I did everything I was supposed to do, get good grades, go uni get a degree, get experience but still didn't get a job and I don't understand what I have done wrong. Also it doesn't help that in my head I am constantly comparing myself to the people around me who are doing far better than I am and also I have created an imagery timer in my head and I feel like time is running out for me.

I am beginning to feel slightly more optimistic about the future but it's hard because I sort of feel like a failure. Things are starting to look up and I have started to do some motivational ''exercises'' to stop me getting stuck in negative state of mind. I have learnt that sometimes life doesn't always go the way we plan and it's not easy but we shouldn't given in to the crappy obstacles life throws at us because eventually things will start to go your way if you do something about it. It helps knowing that you are not the alone person in this situation, graduate unemployment is a big time at the moment and we should grateful for the positive things in our life ( I sound like self-help guru bloody hell).

Sorry for making your Monday a little gloomy, if you are in a similar situation DONT GIVE UP!

Zeynab x