29 November 2015

A Weekend's Musing IX

Photo by Annie Spratt

You may already know, that this year I am applying for a Doctorate course. Every since I decided that I would do that, I felt like it's the right decision for and a natural profession professionally and I have been living in this bubble almost. I knew that the course was ridiculously competitive, but I have always put that to the back of mind somewhere very very far. Unfortunately that bubble shattered, very quickly and the struggle of actually getting a place of the course become very real. So I went to a session, organised by one of the universities doing the course that aims to help everyone applying. It was the best thing, in that I got so much advice on how to improve my application, what to expect from the interview and what I should be doing to prepare, basically the application process is crazy. Obviously at the session, I wasn't the only person there well duh. I was the youngest there and everyone just seemed to have there shit together and seemed well informed about the whole process. It just made it real that there are actually people, essentially going against me for a place on the course and these people won't  messing around. I didn't let it faze me to begin with but it has slowly dawned on me and I am slightly frightened.

I am the type of person that can talk myself out of or into anything, I can come up with a hundred reasons and they would seem perfectly reasonable in my mind and the just like that I do whatever I have convinced myself of. I feel like I am in this constant battle with myself to prevent myself getting to that stage because I want, I need to progress and I know this is what I really want to do. It's extremely difficult, working hard to achieve something that is uncertain and all the hard work could be for nothing. You question whether it's worth it over and over again.  I am trying to picture the end goal which is surprisingly a very good motivational tool. 

I guess what I am trying to say is that something life is hard but if you truly want something you almost have to block out the 101 reasons why you shouldn't fight for what you want. Positivity pulls through at the end of the day (or at least I hope so). 

Music Playlist:
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I hope you have had a lovely weekend and are feeling prepared to kick some ass this Monday. You know what is good for that, well my post on fighting the Sunday Blues (shameless plug). 

How crazy is it that it's nearly already December?

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